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Understanding Marriage and Priesthood – “What am I to do?” The Discernment of God’s Will in Everyday Decisions with Fr. Timothy Gallagher
Fr. Timothy Gallagher presents the Catholic understanding of vocation, focusing first on marriage. The call to spousal love and family is woven into human nature itself, as God created men and women for self-gift and life-giving love. When lived through the sacrament, marriage becomes an expression of Christ’s love for the Church, reflecting the unity of bridegroom and bride described in Ephesians 5. The mutual care between spouses, their fidelity, and the lives they nurture become visible signs of Christ’s relationship with His people. To illustrate this, Fr. Gallagher shares personal stories and pastoral examples that show how everyday marriages embody this divine reality.
He then outlines how religious life and priesthood differ. These paths arise not from human nature but from a supernatural invitation: a call to give up marriage for the sake of Christ and His kingdom. Such a person feels both the natural goodness of marriage and a distinct interior attraction toward celibacy lived for God. Priests give themselves to the Church as their bride, and consecrated women give themselves to Christ, bearing spiritual fruit through service, prayer, and compassion. Whether in family life or consecrated life, vocation leads to the same core reality: offering oneself in love and generating life—either physical or spiritual—within the Body of Christ.
Discerning Hearts Reflection Questions:
- How does viewing marriage as a sacrament—rather than simply a life stage—change the way you understand love, commitment, and holiness?
- In what ways have you experienced the natural desire for spousal love, family, or spiritual fruitfulness in your own life?
- When you consider priesthood or religious life, do you notice any interior attraction or peace, even if it feels challenging to imagine?
- How do the examples of saints like St. John Vianney or St. Thérèse help you see spiritual motherhood and fatherhood as real and life-giving?
- What areas of your heart or personal formation might need healing so that you can better give and receive love in whatever vocation God desires for you?
- How do you understand the spousal gift of self—whether to a spouse, the Church, or Christ—and how might that shape your daily choices?
From The Discernment of God’s Will in Everyday Decisions:
“Three Times in which a Sound and Good Choice May Be Made
The first time is when God Our Lord so moves and attracts the will that, without doubting or being able to doubt, the devout soul follows what is shown to it, as St. Paul and St. Matthew did in following Christ our Lord.
The second time is when sufficient clarity and understanding is received through experience of consolations and desolations, and through experience of discernment of different spirits.
The third time is one of tranquility, when one considers first for what purpose man is born, that is, to praise God our Lord and save his soul, and, desiring this, chooses as a means to this end some life or state within the bounds of the Church, so that he may be helped in the service of his Lord and the salvation of his soul. I said a tranquil time, that is, when the soul is not agitated by different spirits, and uses its natural powers freely and tranquilly.
If the choice is not made in the first or second time, two ways of making it in this third time are given below.”
Father Timothy M. Gallagher, O.M.V., was ordained in 1979 as a member of the Oblates of the Virgin Mary, a religious community dedicated to retreats and spiritual formation according to the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. Fr. Gallagher is featured on the EWTN series “Living the Discerning Life: The Spiritual Teachings of St. Ignatius of Loyola”. For more information on how to obtain copies of Fr. Gallaghers’s various books and audio which are available for purchase, please visit his website: frtimothygallagher.org
